when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
