Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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