I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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