Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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