You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
