the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
