he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
