I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
