I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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