fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
