I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
