If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
