R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
