I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
