i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
