the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
