so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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