Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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