How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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