Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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