I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
