i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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