Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
