We won't sleep together?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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