bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
