I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
