I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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