dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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