he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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