would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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