I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
