I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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