Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
