remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
