How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
