where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
