And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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