he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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