Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
