bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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