Someone shit on the floor
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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