This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
