He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The power of my boobs compel you
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
