Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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