you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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