May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
