boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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