I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
