Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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