Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
