So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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