lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
