Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
