I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
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my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
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Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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