I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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