can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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