Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I need help removing her.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
