conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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