i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
