I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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