At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
