I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
