every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
