I love black thongs
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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