your room smells of hookers.
And success
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Randomize
