dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I touched a dick in church today
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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