Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
