Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
