there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
