also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
this boner is exhausting
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
