So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We just shotgunned beers for America
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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