So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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