I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
