the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
