This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
