dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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