I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.