garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
His hands were made for my vagina.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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