I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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