May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
