Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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