I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
