Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
