ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
