Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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