I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
