...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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