So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
