my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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