never play flip cup with pint glasses
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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